Last season, the Oceanic Six, which consists of Jack, Kate, Sayid, Hurley, Sun, and Aaron (although both Frank the helicoptor pilot and Desmond got off), escaped the island. And then the island disappeared, which is perfectly normal behavior for islands. Our island, anyhow. Sawyer sacrificed his spot on the helicoptor for Kate, and then he gets to disappear on the island, along with everyone else remaining, and one boat that wasn't quite far enough to escape the effect. Oh, and Ben disappeared too. After turning the wheel thing, he ended up in the desert.

The first hour gave us the following info:

-Marvin Candle, the Asian orientation movie guy, is real, and has a child. Is it Jin? Wouldn't that be a twist?

-The island is not changing posistion, but time.

-What has happened in the past stays in the past. The past cannot be changed. Daniel is very stubborn about this; Sawyer is not.

-Desmond is excluded from this, and can serve as a medium between the lost-in-time islanders and present time via "memories."

-Sayid has broken Hurley out of the mental hospital, but killed some people. And then he killed some more people, including one who fell on a dishwasher that held butcher knives. (There were a lot of butcher knives in that dishwasher, weren't there? What were they doing?) This is why I always put my knive in pointy side down, and not because of laziness.

-Jack has sided with Ben, and Locke is still dead.

-Kate is not off the hook yet. Someone, somewhere wants to prove Aaron is not her child. She doesn't like that, so she does the Kate thing, and runs away with cash and a gun.

-Daniel Faraday is trying to figure out why the island is doing this, but he isn't much help. He is able to communicate to present-day Desmond, though. And the fact that he is still wearing a tie only adds to his good qualities.

-When the island changes time, everything brought onto the island (e.g. the camp) had disappeared. Bernard the dentist is forced to attempt to build a fire and is yelled at by some vaguely familiar character who will probably die anyway.

-Charlotte's nose is bleeding. If Charlotte was born on the island (I think this was said. Although I thought no one was born on the island, and that's why Juliet was brought in.), and the island traveled back in time to before her birth, then wouldn't she cease to exist? Hence the nose bleeds. Her brain is imploding from being an island baby time traveling on a time traveling island. Freaky stuff.

The second hour brought more of the same, really.

-We get to see the Oceanic Six make up their lie. Hurley is relectant and outvoted, but not before telling Sayid that he wouldn't help him when he needed it.

-Sayid is passed out in Hurley's van. An Anna-Lucia ghost pulls Hurley over and tells him what he needs to do. she says that Libby says hi. Do you remember Libby? I do. That was so long ago... the second season.

-Charlotte is suspicious of Daniel, because Daniel is a horrible liar.

-The islanders walk back to the beach. Tragically, Sawyer puts on a shirt. Bernard starts a fire, but then it goes out. But surprise! Someone doesn't like them on the island and had decided to use a rather medieval method of execution: flaming arrows. How ironic. The slightly-familiar guy is shot first. Figures. He was annoying, and no one can be mean to Bernard and live to tell the tale. The arrow shooters have bad aim (or it might be the fire part) and only manage to knock off a few of the islanders running for the trees. They split up. Why do I sense a Sawyer-Juliet storyline this season?

- Hurley, in the present, hides out at his parents house. His dad is very chill, but might be watching porn. It was hard to tell. He lies to the police for Hurley, and a still-unconcious Sayid is laying on the Reyes' couch.

-Ben takes a visit to a butcher store to visit some woman named Jill with tiny eyebrows. Apparently, she does a side job of stowing bodies.

-Kate meets up with Sun, who tells her that she doesn't blame Kate for Jin's death, even if it is kind of her fault.

-Hurley's mom comes home and says the best line of the episode: "Why is there a dead Pakistani on my couch." Ah! But Sayid is still breathing. All is well. Mr. Reyes takes Sayid to Jack, who tells Ben where Hurley is and takes Sayid to a hospital, where he is revived. Back at the Reyes', Hurley tells his mother the real story of the island. Although it is totally true, it would make no sense in real life. But maybe Mrs. Reyes's extra-long fingernails help her believe in smoke-monsters. Wait; it's not a monster, it's a security system!

-Ben comes to visit Hurley. Hurley responds by throwing a Hot Pocket at him. Seriously. It leaves a stain on the wall, which means Hurley's aim was highly inaccurate. Ben tells him if he comes back to the island with him he'll give him cookies he'll never have to lie again. Hurley responds by running outside and getting arrested. Ben looks chagrined.

-On the island, in the forest, Sawyer and Juliet are on a romantic walk together. At some point Sawyer's foot is injured. It's really dirty. Like, I thought it had to be amputated it was that purple with God knows what. Then, they hear footsteps and hide behind a bush. Yeah, like that ever works. After some strange through-foliage camera shots, the two are discovered (no!) and held at gunpoint. One has a machete. I thought this should be mentioned. They ask Sawyer some questions, but the Dharma guys (oh, yes. Dharma guys. In their gross uniforms.) decide to cut off Juliet's hand. she is forced to wear a hook the rest of her life. Kidding! Locke gets all deux ex machina and arrives literally milliseconds before Juliet's hand is chopped off. Then he emerges from the trees all dramatic-like.

-Somewhere, in a dark room, a hooded figure, presumably female. Also, there is a giant pendelum that seems to be marking a position in the Pacific, which I'm guessing is the island. She goes up stairs where we find Ben in a church. The hood goes down, and REVEAL! It's the lady from the trippy Desmond episode who knows about time travel. She informs Ben he only has seventy hours until something happens, e.g. the end of the world.

In other words, we're all screwed unless they all go back. How will they get back? Can you sneak a corpse on as carry-on? How does Locke get off the island? But the real question of the episode is, why was Sawyer sending evil glares at Vincent the golden labrador? Maybe we'll find more... next time on LOST!